Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
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