We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize