I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
