Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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