imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
There's always time for handjobs
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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