____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize