I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
