Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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