Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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