i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
