i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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