I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
