You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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