I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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