I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
