I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
