girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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