guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
