fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
