i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
