i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
