Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
