She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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