where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
