his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
She bit a glass in half.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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