So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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