that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
There r osticjed everywhere
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
