id be glad to
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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