I don't usually arrange sex via text message
she was so not down for the gang bang
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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