the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
