I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
