im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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