hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
