shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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