she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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