is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
