Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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