Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize