i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
