i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I checked into jail on foursquare
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
