if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
