She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
