First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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