Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
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