I can't breathe out the right side of my face
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
