Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
now i know why i became what i already was.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Randomize
