So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
