I'm gonna have a badass scar
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
