I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
