You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
