And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
