yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
