dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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