I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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