I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
