I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
