Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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