Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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