hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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