i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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