If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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