She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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