it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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