I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
