so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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