i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
