yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Pants are for mortals
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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